Comments on: Marriage Literature

By: jendoop

jendoop — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 19:56:40 +0000

Yes, yes, and YES! Last year when I read Crossing to Safety I felt I had finally found a book that was about real domestic life. (In contrast to Sinclair’s Marry Me, ugh!) We do need much more reality about marriage in fiction.

The problem I have (writing fiction or non) is how it reflects on my husband and is he OK with my broadcasting it? Not that we are perfect, neither argues that, but do we want the world knowing the specifics of our imperfections? And are we willing to take on the ensuing follow-up to broadcasting it? Like in-laws calling to check on the marriage, or bishops assuming we’re on the edge of divorce. I guess it takes more of us communicating the reality so that the idea of a ‘perfect’ marriage will be forever shattered.

By: Gigi

Gigi — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 14:44:19 +0000

I am a first-time visitor, and I just need to tell you that I love this post.
A marriage can be the story. Not just that wedding day and not just how it began (though, I must admit I do love to hear ‘how-we-got-together’ stories).
It is time we began chronicling our experiences, struggles and triumphs in marriage and sharing it with others.
I think in our LDS culture it is too often the norm to ‘keep up appearances’, or not to discuss the difficult times.
It is one of the reasons that I got up in the middle of the night last month and began a blog about my struggle/fight for my marriage. It has been amazing to see how many people who have come forward to share their own experiences since I began posting. I am shocked (perhaps because I once wore rose-colored glasses) to find how many of my brothers and sisters have struggled with infidelity and moved past it. No one shares this! Why?
I agree, let’s forge ahead and create the stories that will show marriage to be the adventure (both good and bad) that it is.
“Marriage will be like the Amazon river, or Mount Kilimanjaro; and the married will be their explorers.” Love it.

By: Lisa Torcasso Downing

Lisa Torcasso Downing — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 02:33:20 +0000

Oh how we digress, Proud Daughter of Eve, and dishonor Stephen’s great post by fussing over whether Marge and Homer are dysfunctional. Here’s my take: Sure, Homer is an idiot and a wreck. He screws up, but he adores his wife and she, for some unfathomable reason, adores him. These two cartoon icons don’t attempt to use or hurt or demean one another. Oh, they flub up–Homey, you didn’t!–but, in the end, they support one another. The kids too. Maybe these aren’t Father Knows Best characters, but dysfunctional? Nope. Dysfunctional families have unhealthy interpersonal relationships: They tear one another down. Marge and Homer forgive and overlook and get mad before kissing and making up. I think they are a much better example of positive marriage lit than, say, the stars of Everybody Loves Raymond. (Tells you how long its been since I’ve watched a sit com)

By: Proud Daughter of Eve

Proud Daughter of Eve — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 01:48:50 +0000

Say what, Lisa?

By: Chelsea

Chelsea — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 13:59:38 +0000

One of the subplots of the movie “Knocked Up” is a refreshingly realistic depiction of a struggling married couple. Nothing dramatic happens, no one is clearly to blame, but growth does occur in a way I thought rang true to my own experience. Not too shabby for a gross-out R-rated comedy.

By: Lisa Torcasso Downing

Lisa Torcasso Downing — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 05:07:00 +0000

Proud Daughter of Eve, tell me you didn’t just call Marge and Homer’s marriage dysfunctional. How dare thee!

By: jks

jks — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 04:01:44 +0000

Movies like “I Think I Love My Wife” and “She’s Having a Baby” tell the story of a marriage where the man isn’t quite 100% committed and eventually chooses marriage.
I like the TV show Army Wives specifically because it shows 5 marriages and delves into real issues that married couples face. Of course, it is a TV show and sometimes things get resolved a little too neatly, but not always. I also appreciate that the show comes off as pro-marriage. Definitely you see that marriage isn’t easy and that couples should work on their marriage, that problems come up even in happy marriages.
I think you can find much more marriage material in women’s fiction because of its emphasis on relationships. Every family relationship tends to be written about extensively in many novels so there is no shortage of books portraying married couples.

By: Proud Daughter of Eve

Proud Daughter of Eve — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 02:22:35 +0000

“The Story of Us” is a movie that explores the course of a marriage without said marriage ending. And “Up” has marriage at its core. But you’re right, our narratives tend to focus on the beginning and the ending. Even when there is a long running marriage, often it’s dysfunctional, as in “The Simpsons” or 99.9% of sitcoms. (Though Marshall and Lily in “How I Met Your Mother” are a good counter-example.)

By: Lisa Torcasso Downing

Lisa Torcasso Downing — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 01:25:53 +0000

The absolute best American novel written about the importance and lasting value of marriage is Wallace Stegner’s 1987 _Crossing to Safety_. If you haven’t read it, pick it up. Heck, you can get a used copy for a dang penny at Amazon. It centers on the lives of two married couples (the protagonist is even an English professor) and crosses decades with them. Crossing to Safety demonstrates the import of love and friendship in a narrative that flows. This is the Stegner novel that should’ve won the Pulitzer. Much better IMO than _Angle of Repose_. Its a masterpiece and a perfect example of what marriage literature should aspire to do. I’d like to think that Stegner’s years among the Mormons influenced him as he created this book. Regardless, it’ll move Mormons to the core.

Great post, Stephen. A huge reminder that we should be exploring the core of who we are and how we live, rather than only investigating the fringe Mormon experiences that are common in “outer darkness.” (That was a wisecrack.) Sounds like the seed of a full-fledged essay to me…

By: Sam B.

Sam B. — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 15:13:56 +0000

I understand that there’s a lot more literature about hooking or breaking up than about marriage, which makes sense: hooking and breaking up both have plot–there’s a beginning, a middle, and some sort of end. While marriage itself can rarely be the plot–it’s too long (unless you get to the breaking up part of things), and doesn’t really have a defined arch. (That’s also why they never make a movie about being a tax attorney–we do interesting things, but there’s not the same kind of drama that is inherent in being a litigator. Instead of arguing in a dramatic fashion, we solve problems by sitting in front of our computers.)

That said, I can think of a lot of big-name indie movies where marriage/family propels the story. Little Miss Sunshine (the family goes across country, and drives a lot of the plot and tension) and Juno (where, although Juno’s pregnancy is the main plot, her dad’s marriage is an absolutely essential underlying story). And there’s the new Dave Eggers movie, which I haven’t seen, but which is driven not by hooking or breaking up, but by having a baby. (Also, if you really meant blockbuster, in Mummy 2 or 3, Brendan Fraser is married and not breaking up.)

I don’t know if any of these would be your ideal model; none is about marriage, but all exist in a post-getting-married, the-marriage-isn’t-breaking-up world. They’re probably not “marriage” literature, but they’re as close as I usually want to come.