Thanks for another great post. I have this problem like all the others who’ve said so. I have two jobs, four kids, a demanding Church calling, and I’m still trying to get my undergraduate degree finished up. I also am prone to sickness if I cut out much sleep, which is a big reason school has taken so long. Graduate degrees are still an object of envy (though not covetousness) for me. Plus I have these writing and film projects nagging at me. Fortunately, one of my jobs is home based and it gives me the chance to spend more time with my family – also to work on some of my creative projects. My wife is so incredibly understanding and supportive. We both know that for the sake of survival I can’t really stop any of this right now, but it shreds me up at times to have to keep going. It brings me to tears not infrequently. The strength I receive from words like yours are often what motivate me to try anew. I know I’m doing things the hard way, but I also know its the right way for me and mine. I wouldn’t change the order of things in my life even if I could. While I lack perfect certainty about when I’ll get another project out the door or how much they’ll ever contribute to the support of my family (thus relieving some of the other tasks), I do have the conviction that I’m creating for the right reasons. For now, that’s enough.

I agree, though, that my experiences with my family make my writing richer. Not just that: they make it possible. I would not have much to write about without them.

Loved reading this in part because I just like reading you period, and in part because it reminded me of some writing advice I read this summer that has hit closest to home for me most recently. It’s from an interview with Wendell Berry, a writing/thinking/activist hero of mine, in The Sun, July issue. Fearnside is the interviewer.

“Fearnside: For me, as for many people, being a writer means getting up early in the morning — sometimes when it’s dark — writing as much as possible, and then going out and working a full-time job. I’m content with this, knowing that I’m doing my best under the circumstances, and I define myself as a writer even though I’m not writing full time or earning my living from it.

Berry: That’s good, but you need to realize something else: that you can lead a perfectly good and satisfactory life even if you’re not a writer. When I figured out that I could be perfectly happy and not be a writer, I became a better writer.

Fearnside: But you never gave up writing.

Berry: No, but I don’t think you ought to let your happiness depend on writing. There are a lot of worthwhile things you can do. The unhappiest people in the world may be the ones who think their happiness depends on artistic success of some kind.”

Maybe this is the “on the other hand:” of what you were talking about, but I think I too often get hung up in that “artistic success”=meaningful life kind of thinking.

Michelle, I apologize to my husband, too. (After apologizing just yesterday, I said, “But remember last year? I was so much more busy last year. Let’s be glad it’s not 2007.”). Our dear, patient [mostly] spouses.

Shelah, it will work. You can make it work. I had a woman lean over to me at the Elder’s Quorum social Friday night and whisper, “I’m going to Law School. I haven’t told anybody else because I’m afraid of what they’ll say . . . but I’m going to Law School!” I was really happy for her. And it is a leap of faith–and some people will grumble and wonder why you’re doing it, and some might even intimate you’re neglecting your children. But you can do it. I’m going to requote my favorite Chieko quote (and I say requote because I think I’ve used it on Segullah already)–but it’s so applicable:

“Only you know your circumstances, your energy level, the needs or your children, and the emotional demands of your other obligations. Be wise during intensive seasons of your life. Cherish your agency, and don’t give it away casually. Don’t compare yourself to others—nearly always this will make you despondent. Don’t accept somebody else’s interpretation of how you should be spending your time. Practice saying, ‘I feel good about my decision to . . .’ and then fill in the blank with whatever you’ve decided.”

And Melissa, I think you know deep down what kind of stuff you want to write (even if they won’t make enough money to pay the bills .

Thanks for this post. It’s nice to struggle in good company.

I meant to respond to this a few days ago when I read it. I’m terrified that I won’t get in to the grad school programs I applied to for next year. But I’m also terrified that I won’t get in. When I did grad school the first time, I juggled it with full-time work. When I taught at the college-level, I had one or two little kids at home. Both of those experiences were a great challenge, but ultimately very worth it. Now that I have four kids, and feel pulled back to school, I can’t figure out how it will possibly work out to take classes and teach classes and write and be the kind of mom I want to be. But I also know it’s a leap of faith I have to take.

When I go through long periods where I absolutely CAN’T write, I reassure myself that I’ll be a better author after all the living I’ve done!